A programmer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The programmer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The programmer said, "Look I'm an programmer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

Socrates
ForumExperts

Haha! Try posting one of these once per week! I almost needed that! []/w3timages/icons/laugh.gif[/]

Mateo Byler
CruceDeCaminos.com

Hehehe. Thanks Mateo. I know it hasn't been a week yet but here's another:

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Programmers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. []/w3timages/icons/wink.gif[/]

Socrates
ForumExperts

ROF.

--------------
http://extremeforums.org

[]http://www.wwwthreads.com/files/10-26119-7-5021-lingelh_1.jpg[/]

Darren.
http://www.bullpen.com.au

now that is a good eyeball trick. i had to copy it into photoshop. i think you need a warning for that, if yu stare at this for to long you might have a seizure.

--------------
http://extremeforums.org

Oooh, good one, Darren. But I think I stared at it too long: I just got a migrane... []/w3timages/icons/smile.gif[/]

Socrates
ForumExperts

Honestly that wasn't my intention. []/w3timages/icons/smile.gif[/]

Continuing the elections theme, here's a MasterCard advert.

[]http://www.bullpen.com.au/memberfiles/7-5062-!cid_part1.3A144145.jpg[/]

Darren.
http://www.bullpen.com.au

My users came up with a couple others... []/w3timages/icons/smile.gif[/]

[]http://www.tractorbynet.com/forumfiles/6-21357-newballot.jpg[/]

[]http://www.tractorbynet.com/forumfiles/6-21622-soreloserman.jpg[/]

[]http://www.tractorbynet.com/forumfiles/6-21803-bookcover.jpg[/]

They also posted a doc file that was the 'revised' ballot with photos and many different explanations. Pretty funny. []/w3timages/icons/wink.gif[/]

Muhammad Chishti
Creative dIRECTOR
[:white]http://www.imcuniverse.com

Ok bringing out the big guns. Some may have seen this floating around the Net already, and the source is obviously Brittish, but good for a dig at the election nevertheless. I especially like #1 and 3.

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.


Darren.
http://www.bullpen.com.au