Ok people, I am going to explain my situation in the most easy to understand terms I can, but first, let's set some basic given's up:
I use Windows XP Professional
I do not use *nix.
I do not use *nix. I can't understand it.
I want to be able to run Apache Win32 Server, Perl, PHP, and MySQL on my computer.
Things you can keep in mind.
This doesn't need to be for a huge hosting purpose, I just need this so that I can test things on it (my UBB, without uploading to my site, and various other php/perl/random things). My host blocks port 80, so I would prefer something not port 80 (I setup 3000).
I have tried IIS, I have tried Apache, I have tried PHPTriad. Here is my problem.
Apparently nobody has ever thought about someone attempting to learn how to use their products, who has never used a product like it. Nobody ever, has ever, given me simple point -> click instructions on any of these. Once I get the basics down I can figure it out, but these 'readme' files that they have aren't basics, they skip the first 20 chapters of a three page book.
Please, someone, in easy to understand, down to earth, point and click (and hey, if you're really nice, maybe a few comments on what I'm pointing and clicking to) options. I think there is more then just one of us out here that wants this, but I may be the first to actually fess up to being a total retard.