Men always hear “the rules” from the women’s side. Now hear are the rules from the men’s side.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Ask for what you want! Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hits do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
6. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.
8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
9. Check your oil! Please.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
12. Let us ogle. We are going to do it anyway; it’s genetic.
13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15. Christopher Columbus and Marco Polo did not need directions, and neither do we.
16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. And, we have no idea what mauve is.
18. If it itches, it will be scratched.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
21. You have enough clothes.
22. You have too many shoes.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it really doesn’t matter what the hell they’re saying anyway).
24. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
25. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
